


Never Whole Again

by Animeangel1798



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Flashbacks, Maybe - Freeform, Torture, definite trigger warnings, there will probably be yaoi later, way later tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 15:44:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4269021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animeangel1798/pseuds/Animeangel1798
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Al accidentally wishes Ed had never existed the Gate takes it seriously and takes Ed away, along with every event and memory that came with him. Now Ed is trapped in the Gate as it's plaything and Al has a new life and no memory of Ed. What happens when Ed shows back up years later? M for descriptions of torture (physical and psychological) and cussing. (might have yaoi later)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The Gate had rules. It had always been that way. There had never been a time before the rules. They had always been just as the Gate had. The first and foremost being the Law of Equivalent Exchange. But there were more than that. There was one rule that was ignored most of the time, simply because They weren't interested in enforcing it most of the time.

There had been a time or two when it had been worth enforcing. Those had been fun times. But more often than not they weren't interested. The rule stated that anybody wished out of existing could be taken by the gate, as long as they took all record and memory of that person from the world as well.

The rare times They had enforced it the shock and despair in the wisher as they realized their mistake before everything was wiped blank had been the icing on top of the cake. The Gate only took the strong ones. The ones that could resist for a long time before they eventually gave in. The Gate got bored as well and the rule gave them something to focus on.

Anybody wished away could become their plaything. Their toy. But The Gate was picky so it didn't get toys very often which was why They took such great pleasure in ruining any human that attempted Human Transmutation. It gave them utmost pleasure to rip anything They could from them.

The Elric brothers had been a surprise. They had never seen the small humans attempt Human Transmutation. They were never smart enough. Never determined enough. Never reckless enough. The Gate already knew the older was the one who'd had the idea and the one who had ignore all his brothers hesitant warnings.

The Gate could see. The Older Elric was brighter. The bright light amongst millions of dull humans. His brother was bright but not nearly as bright as the older. The Gate was more gentle than They'd ever been when they took their payment. They didn't even protest when the soul of the younger was ripped from their grasp by a seal of blood.

No. They had their eye out for the older Elric now. They lovingly cradled the boy's arm and leg and smiled. "Edward Elric. Is worthy." They laughed and settled in to wait. They always waited for the special ones. The ones that shined bright and determined. They had a special place for the older Elric.

\- time and pov skip -

Ed sighed and tried to shake off the weird feeling he'd been having all day. Not only had Mustang actually had the nerve to say he was slacking but Al had been acting weird all day. He hadn't seen him since lunch when he'd walked away even when Ed had tried to stop him. He couldn't figure out what was going on and he was at wits end.

He opened the door of the dorm room he and Al shared and found Al with his back facing the door. "Hey Al. Where'd you go at lunch?" Ed asked as he took off his coat.

Al didn't answer. Ed frowned a little in concern "Are you okay Al? Is something wrong?"

Al finally turned around "Nothings wrong." he said but his voice was tight and it was obvious he was lying.

Ed blinked "That's a lie Al. What's wrong?"

Al sighed "I guess I just miss my body."

Ed flinched a little "Oh. Well... We're gonna get it back Al. As soon as possible."

Al nodded "But how soon? Are we close Ed?" Ed swallowed "I don't know Al."

Al's voice held a little bit of frustration when he sighed "Okay brother."

It was only a little bit but Ed heard it and it made him a little frustrated as well "I'm sorry Al. I just don't know how close we are. For all we know it doesn't even exist and were just chasing fairy-tales!" his voice rose at the end. The thought that it might not be real was one of his greatest fears.

Al seemed stunned for a minute. He must have though Ed was yelling at him at the end. Ed hadn't been he would never yell at Al.

Ed was about to apologize but Al spoke first "Maybe Colonel Mustang would give us more time for research if you didn't antagonize him all the time. I've told you to ignore him brother!"

Ed gaped for a minute. Al was taking Mustangs side now? He clenched his teeth "Mustang is a bastard. He wouldn't give a crap about us even if I was the nicest person on this planet! He's an asshole."

Al crossed his arms "The Colonel cares Ed! He's helped us so much! If you would be nicer to him everything would be better!" they were both mad by this point.

They were both yelling.

Ed glared "It would be better huh? Maybe it would be better if I disappeared as well. Or if I'd never existed." He'd always thought that. He'd know for the longest time that it would be better if he'd never been born.

Al through his hands in the air in frustration "Well maybe it would be bett-" the argument stopped.

Ed felt like he'd been kicked in the throat. Had Al just said that? Al looked equally as shocked but before anything else could happen there was darkness. Ed couldn't see anything. He tried calling out "Al?! Where are you?"

A voice that wasn't Al's answered "Hello again Edward." Suddenly he could see. He was in front of the gate.

He gaped for a minute "What the hell? Why am I here?"

The Gate laughed "It's an old rule Edward. Humans that are wished away by other humans can be taken by me."

Ed blinked and shook his head "You can't do that! Put me back!" The Gate just laughed "Your mine now. It's the rule. I get bored you know. It's so rare an opportunity."

The Gate opened and the hands started to slither out. Ed ran. He ran as fast as he could but the Gate still caught him "If you behave I'll show you your brother."

Ed stilled. Was Al okay? He let the hands drag him through the gate. The Gate slammed closed and there was darkness. Ed glared "Where's Al?"

The Gate sighed "He wished you away so we couldn't take him. Do you wish to see if he even wants you back?"

Ed swallowed as he remembered Al's wish "H-He probably doesn't really think that way. He was angry. He didn't mean it."

The Gate smiled "I'll show you then." the darkness swirled around Ed and suddenly he could hear Al's voice

"Where'd you take Ed?"

Tthe Gate answered "He's within. Do you want him back? There are things you can do to regain him."

Al's voice didn't come again till a few seconds later "No. I was right before. Things would be better."

The Gate smiled as Edward was subjected to it's illusion. In truth the younger Elric had been frantic before the Gate wiped Edward Elric from history.

This, or course, altered many things in the universe making it a new timeline entirely. The Gate implanted the correct memories to hide the memories Edward would have left then turned back to it's new toy. The Gate smirked "Let's have lots of fun Edward Elric." the darkness swirled again and Ed screamed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years later with Alphonse

Al laughed as Winry reenacted something Ren had done. They'd been dating for about a month now and Al was happier than he'd been since his mom died. He walked her to her front porch and gave her a kiss on the cheek "Goodnight Winry."

She blushed a little and smiled "Night Al. See you tomorrow."

Al nodded "See ya." and walked away.

He hummed a little as he walked. The eavning had gone extraordinarily well. Winry was beautiful and Al loved her a lot.

He decided to take the long way home since it was such a nice night out. It was the middle of summer but it wasn't to hot. Al's 22'nd birthday was in a few days and he knew Winry had gotten him a present even though he'd asked her not to. He smiled at the thought but then something caught his eye.

He looked at it for a minute, it looked like a tattered piece of cloth with something pooled next to it. Al tilted his head and came closer. When he was right next to it he knelt down and looked closer. It looked like blood!

Al had a bad feeling about this. He looked up and saw more red pools all around and there, between two houses, was a booted foot.

Al walked over quickly and nearly screamed at what he found. It was a boy covered head to toe in blood and dirt! Al stared in horror for a minute then before he could think about it more he ran as fast as he could back to Winry's. He was panting as he got nearer Winry's house but still he managed to yell as loud as he could "WINRY! I NEED YOUR HELP!"

Winry ran out of the house just as he reached the porch "What's wrong Al? Are you hurt?" she was worried.

Al couldn't speak for a second, out of breath as he was, but managed to spit out "There's a boy. Hurt. Needs your... Help"

Winry nodded and ran back into the house quickly to grab a first aid kit. She came back a minute later and she and Al ran back to where the boy was.

When they got there the first thing Winry did was check the boy's pulse she hesitated then turned to Al "He needs a hospital."

Al swallowed "The nearest one is in central Winry. You know that. We don't have enough money to get him there and pay the bill. What else can we do?"

Winry bit her lip then seemed to pull herself together "We'll have to take him to one of our houses and watch him for a while. I'll help in whatever way I can."

Al sighed in relief "Thanks Winry. My house is closer. Can you see what you can do now so it's easier to get him to my place?"

Winry nodded and reached for the first aid kit. She pulled out a bottle of peroxide and a small sponge "Help me get him cleaned up a little Al. I need to see his wounds." Al moved to help.

When they got most of the blood wiped away and they could see the wounds Winry gasped a little and Al wondered who could have done this? Why was this boy so hurt and then just left alone to die? Winry went about wrapping the boy's wounds with a sad look on her face and when the worst of the injuries were wrapped she gestured to Al they could leave. Al nodded and bent to gently pick the boy up.

He noticed, surprised, that the boy weighed less than he should have then he noticed the missing limbs and he turned to Winry "His arm and leg are gone!"

she blinked "Let me see." and took a look at the boy. She frowned "He used to have automail but it looks like it was ripped from him. Not many people survive that kind of shock. He's lucky to be alive at all."

Al took a deep breath and released it as he heard that. He wanted to find who ever had caused this and kill them. No child should ever have to go through this. Heck nobody should have to go through this. Al carried the boy to his house and they lay him on a spare bed.

Winry instantly got to work "Get the rest of his clothes off. I need a closer look. Get me a wet rag as well." Al nodded and did as told.

He stood back and let Winry work even as his heart was hurting for this boy. With the rest of his clothing gone the injuries to his body could be seen plainly. Cuts and bruises and scars all over him. About 30 minutes later the boy was covered head-to-toe in bandages and Winry wiped her forehead "His arm and leg next. He might still have some metal in him and that could be dangerous."

Al nodded and about ten minutes later Winry finished but she had a disturbed look on her face "All metal was completely gone but I don't think it was ripped away from him. It looks like it was cut from him over time. The scars there are to fine, to carefully placed to be rip scars. The nerves there still seem fine though which is a miracle all by itself. I really don't know how this boy can still be alive Al."

She looked close to tears. Al gently pulled her into a hug "We're gonna help him and as soon as possible we'll get him to the hospital in Central."

Winry nodded and wiped at her eyes a little "I wish Granny was still with us. She had better medical knowledge than me." Al nodded. Granny Pinako had passed away 3 years ago. Winry had been pretty broken up over it.

Al sighed "What do we do now? Are we gonna wait for him to wake up in shifts or are you gonna go home?"

Winry sighed "I'd be surprised if he wakes up until tomorrow or the next day but I don't wanna go home tonight. Just in-case he needs me. Can I stay with you?"

Al nodded and gave her a smile "You know you can stay whenever you want Winry. Thank you for helping with him."

Winry scoffed and smiled "What kind of person would I be if I didn't help him out! I'm the only one with any medical knowledge in the town since Granny passed and the doctor ran away to Central to become" and she put her fingers up in the air quote position "a super star doctor. Whatever that means."

Al laughed a little and Winry gave the boy one last look over and helped him swallow a pill then she and Al went to Al's room.

They both collapsed on the bed, exhausted but neither of them could get as much sleep as they wanted. Both of their thoughts were filled with the boy and what had happened to him. Al's dreams that night were restless. Filled with golden eyes and pain filled screams.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed wakes up

The first thing Ed felt was pain. He was used to that. He was confused when it stayed at the same pain level though, and was even more confused when the Gate didn't speak to him like it always did. Then it hit him, this must be another illusion. There had been many of those, to many to count.

The longest one had lasted a week, Ed had been very reluctant to believe that one but a week was a long time and his wounds had healed without any new ones and the 'family' that had tended to him had been so nice and believable. Just when he'd actually begun to embrace the illusion, trust it, believe it, the Gate pulled him back from it and laughed at his anguish, then the pains began a new.

Ed had no intention of falling for this again. Eventually he was sure the Gate would get bored of his nonacceptance and go back to the usual but until then he'd enjoy this brief respite and keep a skeptical mind. He blinked his eyes open, squinting against the light that he was no longer used to.

He noticed that the room looked familiar somehow. He couldn't quite place how though. Just then he heard footsteps outside the door. He didn't bother moving, the pain was bad enough sitting still. Moving would just aggravate his wounds.

The door opened and Ed could only stare in horror as Winry stepped into the room. Older and more mature but still undoubtedly Winry. Following behind her was an older Al. Ed's throat seized up with years of remembered hurt even as Winry smiled at him

"I'm glad you're awake. I'm Winry and this is Al. What's you're name?"

Ed blinked, didn't they know him? Had the Gate decided to mix it up a little with them not knowing him? Either way he couldn't speak. The Gate had taken that from him for the most part.

He was only able to scream, though he did get the occasionally word out which made him think it might be healing. He was sure when it healed the Gate would take it once more.

Winry frowned "Can you speak?"

Ed closed his eyes and shook his head. He wished they would leave. He was afraid to be in the same room with them. He didn't think he could handle Al and Winry looking at him with sympathy and kindness.

Al hadn't wanted him. He'd wished him away confirming Ed's fear of Al hating him.

Winry frowned a little "Can you write?"

Ed nodded and Al left to get some paper. He came back and handed Ed a pencil.

Winry smiled "What's your name?"

Ed wrote and showed it to her.

She smiled "Edward huh? How old are you?"

Ed wrote.

Winry sighed "You're only 15? You poor thing."

Al hadn't said a word since he'd came in and it was making Ed nervous. Winry's pity made him uncomfortable as well.

Winry sighed again "Do you know what happened to your automail?"

The question was unexpected. Ed froze, memories rushing into his head. Many tiny shadowy hands holding him down. The Gates laughter. Pain. Pain like he'd never felt before or since.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the Gate had sliced the Automail from him. So very slowly as to not cause as much damage as they could. So that area could heal and be just fine. They didn't want any area of Ed not able to feel pain if they could help it.

Ed shook his head violently and threw the notepad and pencil away. He didn't want to think about it. Not now not ever.

Winry and Al shared a look before Winry turned back to Ed "You don't know or you don't want to say?"

Ed turned his head away as Al brought the notepad back. He didn't want to look at him.

The notepad was placed gently in his hands and Al walked back over to the wall. Ed took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He didn't know why he was even bothering to go along with this illusion.

He let the notepad drop and turned over. He was done playing along.

Winry asked a few more questions but when Ed showed no signs of movement or interest she sighed and stood "Well then I guess we'll let you rest. You just woke up after all. You must be tired. Are you in pain? We have some medicine that can help?"

Ed shook his head. He didn't want anything this illusion would give him.

He heard Winry sigh "OK. I'll be back to check on you later." They left.

Edward sighed in relief, with them gone he could finally asses the situation. He was covered in bandages, he had no automail, and the pain was slowly waning as he healed.

He had no idea when the Gate would rip the rug out from under him but he'd take this small respite as the blessing it wasn't supposed to be and see if he could drag it out as long as possible, after all the Gate wanted him to believe in the illusion so why would they take him away from it unless they got bored waiting? All Ed had to do was remain skeptical and he'd be in the clear.

Ed smiled just a little, it wasn't a happy smile. It was a smile of determination. He'd never believe in this illusion, he'd wait it out and take whatever punishment the Gate offered at the end. He'd survive, if only because the Gate would hate to lose their toy. Maybe someday he could actually leave the Gate but until then he'd wait. Ed fell into a hazy sleep, memories of the Gate played through his head. Even in slumber he couldn't escape it.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days were slightly hectic, Winry coming in and out to feed him and give him medicine. He'd been changed into some old, slightly to big, pjs that Al had laying around. Ed had taken to reading when he could, Winry was happy to bring him books, but in the back of his mind he always reminded himself that this was an illusion. It isn't real and someday the darkness would take him once again.

Ed only really had a problem with anything when Al came into the room. He'd clam up and stop responding, Ed could tell that it hurt Al but he refused to interact with him. The gate would realize that illusions of Al wouldn't get to him anymore. His apparent "fear" of Al had led Winry to limit his appearance in the room, something that surprised Ed but he figured the Gate had realized that Al wouldn't help it's cause and was focusing on Winry. His voice was getting better by the day and his first word to Winry was "Thanks"

Winry had beamed and said "You're welcome."

Ed sighed, even though things were ok here he still hated it. every time he saw either of them a fresh wave of hurt came over him. Hurt over Al for wishing him away, and hurt over Winry because he missed her too much. He wondered how everybody had taken his disappearance. Had they looked for him? Undoubtedly Mustang had been angry.

Did Al tell Winry what happened to him? Did she agree it was for the best? Just then Ed heard arguing from downstairs.

Al was yelling "We can't afford it Winry! I'm sorry. If you want to do that fine but we still can't afford to take him to Central."

Winry yelled back "I know! But what else can we do? He needs better medical care and we can't give him that! Not to mention he's terrified of you. I'll ask him if he wants it and if he say's yes he'll get it but he needs to be checked out by a real doctor before I can. Al please he might die if I do it without a proper go ahead!

It was quiet for a second. "Fine. It'll put us in debt but if he needs it that bad." his voice sounded tired and stressed. Ed heard Winry sob and realized she'd been crying during that fight. Fresh waves of guilt washed over him like razor blades. He tried to remind himself it wasn't real but memories of all the times he'd made Winry cry were overwhelming him. He clenched his eyes shut.

Just then Winry came in, her eyes slightly bloodshot "Hi Ed." she sounded tired.

Ed sat up and let her change his bandages and give him medicine. Winry smiled "We're going to take you to Central soon to get you checked out by a doctor ok? Then, if you want and the doctor says it's ok, I can give you new automail. For right now though I made you some temporary ones that will allow you to move around but won't stress your system ok?"

Ed nodded and let her attach the straps to keep the temporary automail on then she slid them on over the stumps and checked a few things before smiling "all right stand up." Ed did, it was shaky at first but he soon got the hang of it.

Winry's smile widened "There you go! Now you can walk around a little, it might be hard but it'll be ok until I can get your new ones." Ed smiled back, it felt nice to be able to move around again. Then he remembered the fight and grimaced.

He didn't want them to be in debt. Somehow he'd actually started to believe this might be real. He wouldn't get his hopes up, however, if it was real than he didn't want to hurt or inconvenience them anymore. If it was an illusion then it wouldn't really matter anyway so he steeled his resolve. He knew what he had to do.


End file.
